The Political Insider’s Seventh Annual Turkey Awards

Hold on to your wattle folks (No, Hunter, that’s not what we meant by wattle), it’s time once again to celebrate the true meaning of Thanksgiving in America.

It’s not the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, or apple pie. Nay, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for – The Political Insider’s seventh annual Turkey Awards! Or PITA for short.

Due to supply chain issues, high shipping costs due to gas prices, and Bidenflation, this year’s award will be an electronic $5 off coupon code to the Piggly Wiggly. This should score you at least one bag of frozen corn for the holidays, but you’ll need to provide your own transportation to the store.

Sorry folks, we’re a small operation and, like most Americans, had to tighten our belts a bit in order to pull off these star-studded awards. It’s all about presentation.

Let that not take away from the prestigiousness of this prestigious award ceremony. Other prestigious award shows constantly strive to attain our prestigious level of prestige.

So without further adieu, here are the winners of the 2022 PITA awards …

Beto O’Rourke

Our first winner this evening is everybody’s favorite loser – Robert Francis O’Rourke.

‘Beto’ O’Rourke became a rare Triple Crown champion on Election Day, falling to Texas Governor Greg Abbott by double digits. That loss meant the awkward, gangly Democrat had now lost races for the Senate, presidency, and governorship all within the past four years.

He spent roughly $140 million combined to lose to Abbott in 2022 and Senator Ted Cruz in 2018.

And he may have captured the PITA based on the strength of his life’s body of work – disgracing himself by live-streaming a dental appointment, dressing up in a sheep mask and onesie for a punk band performance, or crashing a press conference updating the public on an elementary school shooting.

Then of course, there was this campaign pitch to millennials which is the stuff of nightmares.

Dance off time. Who made you cringe harder? Beto or Tim Ryan? pic.twitter.com/8ByQrLgCR0

— Catch Up (@CatchUpNetwork) November 6, 2022

While Beto may be a perennial loser in real life, he’s still a winner in our hearts. Now we’ve made it PITA official.

Speaking of hearts, our next winner is actually a couple. A couple of people who had their hearts and minds broken by the former President.

Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger

The nearly inseparable Democrat puppets, Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney, have been thoroughly broken by Donald Trump, but we’re here to put them back together again with back-to-back PITA awards.

The ambiguously stray duo won their first PITAs last year by leaving their conservative values and their constituents behind, instead serving as useful idiots for the Democrat Party by turning the January 6 riot into a spectacle meant to take down the former President.

And they continued that theme throughout the entirety of 2022. Both to the detriment of their own political careers.

Cheney was soundly defeated in her primary by nearly 40%. Kinzinger was previously forced to resign after his new playmates, the Democrats, redistricted him out of contention.

The two have vowed to keep Trump from ever running for office again, while simultaneously pushing the United States toward nuclear war by supporting Ukraine in their war with Russia and denouncing anybody who feels America is more important as pro-Putin.

Kinzinger was also caught sharing fabricated quotes and fake memes on social media to support his cause.

Anti-Trump congressman @AdamKinzinger again fell for another hoax. He believed the fake Tucker Carlson quote in addition to previously falling for the Sam Hyde “ghost of Kyiv” pilot meme. Kinzinger was lampooned on Carlson’s show for his gullibility. https://t.co/8kPFwIy3Cv pic.twitter.com/4z7yL6KiH4

— Andy Ngô 🏳️‍🌈 (@MrAndyNgo) April 6, 2022

Most people would be content with being epic losers for doing any one of those things, yet Kinzinger and Cheney have done it all.

Alejandro Mayorkas

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas captures his first PITA on the strength of simply being unable to do the one task he is assigned with doing – protecting the homeland.

Mayorkas has exhibited a gross dereliction of duty over this handling of the southern border crisis.

Illegal crossings hit sustained record highs this past year while there have been over 1,000,000 illegal “gotaways” that have crossed the border and escaped into the U.S. since President Biden took office.

It is incompetence on such a grand scale that it almost requires some sort of official recognition. 

Mayorkas was also caught helping to spread a lie that Border Patrol agents had ‘whipped’ Haitian migrants crossing the Rio Grande last September.

What does it say that the Secretary of Homeland Security thought the biggest threat to this nation was a set of imaginary whips?

NEW: Email reveals DHS Secretary Mayorkas was alerted by DHS’ top public affairs official that the “whipping” narrative behind horseback BP photos wasn’t true, but at a WH press conference 2.5 hours later, he didn’t refute that narrative, instead calling the images “horrifying”. pic.twitter.com/Qyfy2NBkNo

— Bill Melugin (@BillFOXLA) October 12, 2022

Hunter Biden

Speaking of whips and chains, Hunter Biden, the President’s son, has been caught in nearly every imaginable situation involving hookers and crack, making him a natural as our next PITA recipient.

Here is another man whose body of work – if not the work he’s done to his body – helped to boost him for the 2022 award.

Sure we knew previously that Hunter had pictures on his laptop of him with prostitutes, sometimes involving pets, and discussed smoking parmesan cheese thinking it was crack cocaine, but last year that was all just ‘Russian misinformation.’

This year, the media finally admitted it was all real. So now we can give Hunter the credit he is due.

And man, he truly stepped up his game in 2022. So much so that reports surfaced last month indicating federal agents feel they have enough evidence to charge the First Son with multiple crimes. (Don’t hold your breath).

WAPO: Feds believe they have evidence to charge Hunter Biden with two crimes:

one for not declaring income related to his various business ventures.

the other for buying a hand gun while declaring he was not an “an unlawful user” of narcotics https://t.co/09rK8tio9x

— Sam Stein (@samstein) October 6, 2022

We know, right? Total snooze fest, those gun and tax evasion crimes and business deals involving the President of the United States – allegedly.

But Hunter kept his street cred intact this past year as well.

Video surfaced in September of the President’s son slip-sliding away down a slide naked into a pool at a $4,140-per-night Malibu rental home. Oh, and other videos showed Hunter filming himself weighing his stash of crack cocaine and fondling himself.

We should all feel privileged to watch a true artist in his prime.

With his dad’s victory last year, the Biden’s become the first father/son duo to take home an esteemed PITA award. Somehow we don’t think this will be the last time these two take home the hardware.

Summary

Remember, even though all winners have to live with the shame and embarrassment of being failures, or worse, liberals, they still get to go home with a $5 off coupon code to the Piggly Wiggly. Something to tell the grandkids about one day.

Congratulations to all our winners! Here’s hoping they continue to work hard to let Americans know how completely incompetent they are – just by being themselves!

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